I feel like I need to explain you because people still don't seem to get it.
I need to explain how you saved me.
And I lost you.
I need to explain how you were the only one who ever knew how bad it got, even if you didn't understand it. You knew exactly when I needed you, and there was not one other living entity that could do what you did.
I need to explain how you knew that when I turned the lights off, it wasn't just dark, it was black. Even if you didn't understand. We still laid side by side.
I need to explain how I didn't have secrets from you and that I actually took the time to say them aloud to you. Even if you didn't understand them. And you took those secrets to the grave because you didn't have words and that's why I told them to you in the first place.
I need to explain how you were the only damn thing that loved me. Even when I did the terrible things I did. Because even if you didn't understand anything else, you understood that I loved you.
And I don't know how I'm going to survive this time around because I'm getting bad and I'm doing things I shouldn't be doing and you aren't here to stop me. You aren't here to remind me that somebody loves me.
I need to explain how you loved me.
I need to explain how you saved me.
And you can't save me this time, just like I couldn't save you last time.
I need to explain all of this, but I don't have the right words and even if I did, I don't think people would get it.
I've never had a best friend like you and I didn't even get three years.
And I still cry every time I listen to Brandi Carlile.
